Initially this morning I'm not feeling very good about the New Year. My eyes was in pain, there's a pus under the eyelid. My left eye to cheek are sensitive to touch. My earring was missing yesterday. It seems nothing seems has gone right since Christmas leading up to now. I was hoping that it will be better after Chinese New Year. But it seems so far yet so near. There is so much to prepare and yet, I don't know if I should prepare them. My work is stuck, I just couldn't grasp the idea of the whole system works. Although it sounded easy and my boss made it as easy to understand as possible yet, it is difficult to sit in the mind.

After reading the reflection. What do you want me to see? What do you want me to do? I'm so mentally and physically tired from all the hu-ha in life. Come, as I've come to read the daily bible everyday (as of till now). 

Thinking back. Yes, come. I went to church on my birthday on the invitation to help out the ministry to prepare a pot luck for the friars. And I did see few priest and many other people there to celebrate my first birthday without my parents last year. What did God want me to see? I think that would be, I still have lots of people around me to give me love. What faith God bestow on me? It would be the blessings I receive from 6 priest on my birthday. Not many are able to get the blessing of a priest on their birthday, I received 6 on that day!

There is few events when I'm attending mass and the theme of the day or the slides the priest was speaking was about the situation that I'm facing. But the most prominent was when my ex and I broke up, I was having self blame to the extend that I wanted to give up life. That is when I heard clearly; "Check the phone bills". I went and check and there was outstanding, I thought that is it. And I continued working; until I hear the voice again. "Check the phone bill". I went and check again, not knowing what to look for. I checked the number called and realized that there was this number he called through out the day and at odd hours where you won't be calling if you claim to be "Just A Friend".

Having thought that's it. What have I done wrong for him to treat me this way. When I wanted to end my life even more the following day. I prepared and put everything into order before wanting to leave the house. God probably send this one person that annoys me so much to my house to lecture me. He sat with me and listened. I remembered him telling, "If God didn't asked you to check the phone bill and knowing what he is doing behind you now. After you've got married with him, it's not going to be any easy to leave the relationship than it is now." He put a to do list for me. He stayed with me that day, so that I will not be alone while waiting for my parents to come home from work. He made sure that I'm not alone at home when my parents are not at home.

Therefore, I think God speaks through other medium when you are not open for Him to approach you. My life was saved because of them.

I've not told many of this incident as I felt stupid and embarassed. I've told my mum, she too was surprised and there got to be someone looking out for me. Other than my mum, I told my sponsor aka God-ma about it when she asked if I had experience God in anyway during the day of acceptance, I told her this incident which I'm not sure if it God who speaks to me. After listening, she told me that I'm a chosen one. She gave me the courage to tell this incident and an experience not many would experience. Yet, I'm still afraid and anxious about the baptism which is coming in a few months.

First year without both my parents. It is not easy to pass the days of advent without them. I was sobbing to sleep on Christmas eve. Then I was too busy to move around during the count down of the New Year that it was less gloomy and saddened.

I've been asked to do my spiritual journal since the day I started RCIA last October. Journal about my spiritual journey, my communication with God, incidents. I didn't get to do it on a daily basis. I did not do the journaling as I'm told to do. I would look at the book and ponder what is there to write. What is there to communicate? There was a gap in between class, St Francis Asisi feast if I'm not mistaken. Going back to class after that, I was dragging it, I am very reluctant to go for class not to mention for class after mass. I had a vision of Jesus with his open arms. I thought I was just dreaming. Then during the homily, 30th October. Speaking of Zacchaeus, one of the slides shown was the picture of Jesus with his open arms. What a coincidence! 

A month after I started my class, I was down with Covid. I'm stuck at home for 2 weeks. That is when I'm asked to do more communication with Him. Instead of communicating, I got frustrated and angry at Him. For He took both my parents away from me and I'm left striving alone in the house! What more is there communicate? I literary closed all doors towards Him. 

It took alot of persuasion to get me to attend mass again after my covid. The very day I'm back to church after my covid is the day where I'm to go through the acceptance ceremony. After the mass and the get-together in the room and talking to my Sponsor - Vivien Choe; I feel calm and good. 

Leading up to Christmas and New Year. I attended mass on Christmas day and New Year day.

Sponsor gave me the Daily Bible on the day of my acceptance. Now I'm putting a habit to reading it daily, before going to sleep. If during the day I had the time, I would read from the Universalis and the Catholic Daily Reflection for more understanding of the daily reading.

Sometimes, in the reading during mass or the homily are very much personal to me. It is sometimes the way I'm feeling that week or the situation I'm facing at that time. During mass, these will be mentioned.