I always thought I will die before Mummy after Daddy's passing. I prepared everything that is needed to be prepared for my own's passing. My passwords, things to do, eulogy and even picture to be use. Until Mummy's is diagnosed with cancer that all of us is so occupied that I forgot my own's planning. With Mummy now gone to heaven. 

I thought I'll be prepared for her passing as her condition is deteriorating and it is unlike Daddy's which is very sudden and we have no chance to tell him goodbye and we love him. Yet, the separation from them is still very painful.

Looking at my own's plan... my farewell letter to my loved ones including to Mummy is heartbreaking. I just miss her so much that I don't even feel like doing anything; including going to work.

Mummy. I miss you. I love you.

Sometimes I feel that I am contradicting myself.

I wanted you to go to 西方极乐世界西方極樂世界 and not stay here for you will be cold and not good for you but at the same time I don't want you to leave and forget us here. It just feel that there is a big part missing. I always complain that you're irritating, but when you're gone it just felt wasn't right.

When a beloved is dying, we are touched to our deepest core. Difficult, painful emotions may rush up, stirring in our hearts. Dying and death become a great challenger, breaking into our lives.

There are many ways to distract ourselves in our everyday life and forget about the ever-present and basic unsatisfactory nature of things. Yet when death enters our home, we are forced to turn to our deepest concerns and feelings. Death can then become our great teacher or messenger, shaking us up from our security, our complacency.

Reflecting on death might be very scary at first but such reflections have the power to change our attitude toward life. One might find that reminding oneself of one’s own mortality helps one to do what is most essential in life. Keeping death in mind also makes it easier to let go of one’s petty grudges towards people with whom one has disagreements.