Zara Larsson - Uncover

(9th October 2020, 16:21)

I got caught two years ago when he pushes me away. I was very close to another person. But yet he is uncover, I do not dare to bring up the subject to break up with either one. Then it lead to messy heartbreak and runaways and hiding. This song really makes recall the memories

(1st December 2020, 16:21)

Then when you thought everything went smooth eventually. We resolved what bothers between us. We had plans and milestone to reach. When I thought we will finally have a bright future ahead of us. When we are able to put the past behind us... You came suspecting about me again.

I was self-blaming and went into depression about the whole thing again. I wanted us to be together. I wanted the future to be with you. So many times, I begged and asked you not to leave me after we got back together when you suspect that I am back in contact with 'him' which is untrue. I wanted so much to start a family with you. I never request for grand wedding or big expensive wedding ring. I just wanted You!

I couldn't believe it that you can just leave me like it doesn't matter to you at all. To the point of being suicidal. Not until recently when I found out that you have been calling another number talking on the phone for an hour all these while after our first milestone together of getting the Subaru together. And most of those time that you called are time after hanging up the video calls with me... giving the excuse that you're tired and sleepy. But why wouldn't you be tired to talk on the phone with this other person when you're tired and sleepy with me?

People says when you consciously doing the things you're doing you are not in love with the person you're with. Your thinking changed. Your goal changed. During the quarantine time, I requested for you to take me to your place. But giving the reason / excuse that I will be bored when you're out. It is in-fact that you will not be able to make those phone calls if I'm at your place. Isn't it?

Why did't you tell me honestly that you find that the love we had had faded or you are having second thought about our relationship? I thrive to help you out every other time when we were together. When I confronted you about it, you could tell me that: "Yes, I think I'm doubting about our relationship. I think we should part ways." But instead you gave me the lame excuse that "She's just a friend". 

When I pressed on wanting to know the truth, "Are you sure she is just a friend?"... all you replied is "Y ar"...

Then you come up with the reason that "What happened between us doesn't involve anyone else. And hope that our friendship will continue on no matters what happened or going to happen". With that statement given, it sounded that he had moved on and he is now had a new girlfriend altogether and not to be so upset about him moving on. If that is the reason that nobody is involved in between our relationship, then Why are you so "ANGRY" if I'm in contact with my-ex that you wanted to break-up with me then? Or you're just seizing the opportunity to break up with me because you had already had something or someone else on your mind.

Felt so stupid for doing all the things I did. For all the things I did is just in vain. How I always defend you to the point of arguing with my parents. Making myself clear with my ex that I wanted you. How I defended you against everyone who loved me and warned me about your character. I gave you the trust which you broke. You knew very well the pain one has to go through when they are being cheated. Because it is not the first time you got it from me, but from your past relationship before me. And yet, you're doing this to me. 

The stickiness you used to have when we re-started. It faded. Then you started distancing yourself when I am sticky to you. You had changed your priority then. It is just a matter of fact when you wanted to face it. You saw the opportunity and make a way out for yourself, hoping that I wouldn't find out the real reason about it. 

You told me that a friend recommended you the place we went Pangkor last year. I would presume it is actually this same person you're calling at night now. If is not her, who else would have so much information about tourism? And even at that time, you did not call her up in the middle of the night to talk and find out about our trip... or maybe you did. But why now? Why when we are moving towards our goal? Why do you lead me on when all you wanted was to part way with me? Why are you being so protective about her when I asked about her? I am not blind you know... I know that you have many girl friends. I trusted you. I know you know your limitation. I never questioned you who are those people on your social media. But why do you betray me like that?

I would understand if we are on a rocky relationship where you don't feel comfortable with me. Or that we are neglecting each other. But when you started calling her it is even before the start of MCO. Heaven's know what you did after the MCO was lifted when you can travel but I am very much stranded at home without anyone around me. If she matters so much, why do you still text me and call me during the first month after our break-up? Why do you still tell me how much you misses me every day in July? Then you started turning cold in August... You started ignoring me in September.

Why do you have to revoke my wound when I'm trying to let go during that time. I was trying to pack up the things and move on when you walked out of my life out of the blue. Now, you left me stranded in the wound and you moved on... does that sounds fair to you? 

I felt so tired and being manipulated. To sum it up, I feel like dying.