30th September 2020, 11:06

When things are coming to an end. I thought I will be able to let you go after your birthday. But when I saw your post where you have someone celebrating your birthday and so on. I got a panic attack.

I got more pissed off about the whole situation when you spent on the cart during that the time we were apart.

17th December 2020, 11:05

Yesterday, the mark of 6 month. Everything which had me in it was wiped off from your social media. I shows you are ready to move on and the time is up. I had a funny feeling yesterday noon. I'm not sure if you've drive by my house. And it is this funny feeling that I went to check. True enough. I was expecting this to happen anytime. But reality, it hurts more than I thought it would be.

I was holding on to the action plan email. I'm not sure what I'm waiting for or what I'm looking for. I was just hoping that there would be something that I do not have to take this action. But at the same time, I'm scared.

The dream I had many years back is still stuck to the back of my head. I don't want to be the person appraocing your new beau in the future to look for you. That is the same terrified feeling I had all these years, that someone would be approacing me asking about you like in the dream.

I am left with no choice but to move on without a closure to this chapter of my life... always thinking "Am I not enough?", "Why did you do the things you did?". But to you, it was the reverse. I had explained myself. But you would not take my answer. If I had not loved you, cared for you. I would have requested and taken the action I am taking now the moment you walked out. I am not in debt after requesting back the Subaru after I got myself a Myvi. That is double the responsibility and double the committment. Not to forget the home we were building, it is left unattended.

To you, it is just walking out on me for the things you assumed I did. And I left stranded, alone handling all this consequences you put me into.

I'm not sure to "Thank You" for showing me your true self before we had moved on to the next stage of our relationship. Or to say "I'm Sorry" that I have to request back all the things I invested for us. I am a very selfish person. I do not want to share my things with another person, especially those things are invested from the love I have for you, for us. I do not want the another person to enjoy the things as your beau, and while I'm working my ass to pay it off.

I am not sure what is your relationship with your new beau, but please do take my advice for once. This is the last time I will be advising you. Please do communicate with your partner. Be it harsh or difficult. She deserves to know your situation. It is never an easy job go guessing about it, reading your signal and your body language. I know you are talking to her now. Because it is all fresh and exciting. As time passes, you tend to forget this person and you go expressing your frustration and feelings to another person. 

Your new beau may be a friend of your friend. Do bear in mind, news will travel back to her. It will be more hurtful for her to find out the other way. If she is okay with it and it didn't bother her. Then you should be checking if you are with the person who is loving you the way you deserve to be. Every girl wants love and attention from their partner no matter how independent is that woman is. If you can't give her all your full attention and prioritising your partner over your friends. You will risk having history repeating itself over again.

Anyway, I had loved you the way you are. I had supported you all the way I can possibly could. I accepted and choose you over anyone else when you had nothing. We built and grew together. But from time to time. You would give your attention to someone else over me.

What I wanted to say is, Thank You.
Thank you for the time you were in my life.
Thank you for being patience with my temper.
Thank you for not lifting a finger on me when I'm in the wrong.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
You taught me about love, and
Realize how much I'll go all out for the person I love.

Sorry we could not have the ending we dreamt of.
Sorry for I'm not enough for you.
All the very best to you and take care my love.