When you thought you're in a making of a happily ever after. Thing turn sour and the heart is at a lost. Not knowing what to do or where to begin healing. There was no proper closure.

The so-called friend friend conversation. But you're being deleted from his life. What is this so-called friendship is?

And when you're in the midst of healing and self-hate, this person who would not just go away. A bug, a pest which is very much annoying but at the same time is helpful when you needed help.

How do I tell this pursuer to move away while you needed space to heal from the heartbreak? It is unfair to compare and at the same time I do not want to take this person as the replacement of the sour relationship that I'm trying to get out from. How do I tell this person, I wanted him only as a friend. Someone not a boyfriend but not just a best friend. I have lost some friends along the way. I needed to get myself back together before I start killing myself again. I needed time to heal. I needed time to move away from the pain. I wanted to do something for myself. Something I do not having to report to anyone. I am just too tired.

I am already very tired from battling with the emotion so that it will not over power me. I do not want to be at someone's expectation when I am undergoing my stupid emotions. There are so many times that I wanted to be dead, but at the same time the sanity kicks in that says dying is not going to solve anything and it is not going to do me any good at all. Finding all the positive vibes to stay alive. Making myself busy with work and mind working on work instead of thinking all the unnecessary negativity. But who will know the battling I'm going through day in day out? Putting a smile on so that everyone around me will not be worried.