It has been two months since February 22. I thought I could let go of everything, let things settled and have my heart set for one. I do not know why, every month at this time of the month I will be down with flu and cough. So bad that I will puke all my food and I would get sleepless night even with medicines.

His re-emergence flipped everything again. I really do not know who to take anymore. Both have their strength and weaknesses. But I cannot take both with me. Choosing either one will be devastating for the other. I wanted so much just to settle with one but looking at it, I could not. Both would tell me that they cannot live without and the love I felt from both of them are so great that it is so bad to choose either one of them. Maybe mum was right, leave both and get a third one? Sounded so wrong but could work.

Both of them would tell me that they had build a world around me, including me in their life. Only wants me for themselves. Not wanting to share. I have a place called "our home" in AD and SL. Which one would you want to go? It is at the opposite direction. They are both so different and yet so same.