Today marked the 11th Death Anniversay of my beloved Grandma. A week before my birthday. The birthday celebration where each teenager would look forward to. To the freedom and the independence that comes at that age. In the midst of all the preparation for the celebration. A phone call from my uncle had it shattered down to pieces. -  That is how I celebrated my birthday. I just hated her at that moment on my journey to hometown. Celebration was one thing . . . "Why at the time where each teenager look forward to have to be like this?"


I hated goodbyes. I remember those times when I visited my grandma when we were younger. She dotted me and my sisters so much that we always have special treatment from her when we visit her. My cousins would be jealous with us coming back from the town and sabotage their place.

As we grew older... there were less frequent trips back to visit her as we were busy with study, home work, tuition and friends. We would always contemplate to go back to the 'old hut' with no water heater, no air-condition rooms and small yellow bulb for light.

After I got into college, Grandma was getting old and frail. I started to hate saying goodbyes to her after that. As I do not know when will be our last goodbyes. I got very upset and heavy heart each time we bid farewell after the visit. I think she felt what I felt, she would wipe her tears at times or that she pack us some of our favourite food to bring home - I missed her!

She passed on my second year in college, she could not see me graduate. I was devastated. I hated Goodbyes more.



It's Not Goodbye



And what if I never kiss your lips again
Or feel the touch of your sweet embrace
How would I ever go on
Without you there's no place to belong

Well someday love is gonna lead you back to me
But 'til it does I'll have an empty heart
So I'll just have to believe
Somewhere out there you thinking of me

Until the day I'll let you go
Until we say our next hello
It's not goodbye
'Til I see you again
I'll be right here rememberin' when
And if time is on our side
There will be no tears to cry
On down the road
There is one thing I can't deny
It's not goodbye

You'd think I'd be strong enough to make it through
And rise above when the rain falls down
But it's so hard to be strong
When you've been missin' somebody so long

It's just a matter of time I'm sure
But time takes time and I can't hold on
So won't you try as hard as you can
To put my broken heart together again

Until the day I'll let you go
Until we say our next hello
It's not goodbye
'Til I see you again
I'll be right here rememberin' when
And if time is on our side
There will be no tears to cry
On down the road
There is one thing I can't deny
It's not goodbye