June 09, 2013

Everything has a beginning and an ending . . . that is the way it should be. I believe that dealing with pain is a process which has no time frame. It could not be rushed or pushed, but the time will come. I am unsure when will it be, the time where I will look back and it will only be a memory which no longer will triggers the emotional button. By then will only be looking beck as part of your memories.

Promising myself that this is the final call, and this will no longer be something I wants to hang on to which is not meant to be mine. I will try my very best to let go from this time on. Although I had been counting the days . . .  until I made this deal with myself. This action I made, having to place myself through this once more - being neglected, ignored and abandon. This will be the last time I will put myself through these kind of treatment for this. Sometimes the heart just doesn't wants to accept what the brain know and understand. The heart is now defeated after dealing with it once more. With that, I can now give myself a reason to give up, walk away or just to move on - For Real! Something which I no longer need to convince my little broken heart to accept after the many times of coming up providing reasons and explanation for all the things which came up.

I could cry, I would cry (for sure) . . . but I will no longer wanted this to be the reason again. Weepy and a cry baby I will and can be, but believing that this is the course you've chosen to taken; with utmost respect, I will deal with my own pain in my own way and my own time no matter how much I dislike it. Though I still don't and never will know what is the reason behind it; but I really do wanted to find out. However true to my friend's advice which I did not heed earlier on;  it will not make any difference if I am to find out as it will only hurt myself more knowing it. As curious as I can be, think not finding out this time will be the best for both of us.

That last message, it was the wake up call from the hope and expectation I once had. Everything was shattered into pieces . . . this is LIFE. Truthfully, if I am given the choice to relive it once again, I'll still choose to walk this path again. Maybe a little wiser, maybe a little careful, maybe . . . and definitely maybe to let go earlier.

Not sure if this post will be read by "That Person" but I really do wanted to thank him. Thank you for the memories.

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